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A young guy from Texas moves to California
and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof"
stores looking for a job.
The manager asked,
"Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid said,
"Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up,
the boss came down to see how things went.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The young man replied without hesitating, "One."
The boss said,
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"
The kid said, "$101,237.64."
The boss said,
"$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"
The kid said,
"First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast,
so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer."
Amazed, the boss said,
"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"
"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said,
'Well, your weekend's short, you might as well go fishing.' "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drunk walks out of a bar and gets into his car.
He is astonished to find that a bunch of stuff has been stolen from his car.
He calls the police and says
"Hello, I'd like to report a robbery..
Some thieves came and they stole my stereo,
my steering wheel..
even the accelerator pedal."
A few minutes later he calls back..
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink
so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and
there is another sign next to his beer saying,
"So did I!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar
goes up and starts small talk.
Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name,"
he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"So what's your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,
"If you can sit in my basement for a day I'll give you free beer forever."
So the first man says,
"Easy. I can do that."
But he walks out after five minutes and says,
"It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck,
but can't take more than 10 minutes.
Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later.
The others ask him how he did it.
He said,
"Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him,
takes the drink from the guy,
and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says:
"Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.
My boss, outrageous, fires me.
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it,
I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home, and when I get there,
I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home, and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,
you show up and drink my poison..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket
while the three engineers buy only one ticket.
"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats
while all three engineers cram into the restroom
and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets,
he knocks on the restroom door and says,
"Ticket, please."
The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea.
One the way home from the conference,
they decide to copy the engineers' technique.
At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip.
To their astonishment,
the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!
"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They board the train.
The three lawyers cram into one restroom and
the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs,
one of the engineers leaves his restroom and
knocks on the other restroom door.
"Ticket, please!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over...
Two claimed that he was still there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. "
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and goes to one of those big "everything under one roof"
stores looking for a job.
The manager asked,
"Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid said,
"Sure, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
The boss liked the kid so he gave him the job.
"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it.
After the store was locked up,
the boss came down to see how things went.
"How many sales did you make today?"
The young man replied without hesitating, "One."
The boss said,
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.
How much was the sale for?"
The kid said, "$101,237.64."
The boss said,
"$101,237.64?! What the hell did you sell?!"
The kid said,
"First I sold him a small fish hook.
Then I sold him a medium fish hook.
Then I sold him a larger fish hook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast,
so I told him he was gonna need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it,
so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Blazer."
Amazed, the boss said,
"A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a truck?"
"No, he came here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said,
'Well, your weekend's short, you might as well go fishing.' "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A drunk walks out of a bar and gets into his car.
He is astonished to find that a bunch of stuff has been stolen from his car.
He calls the police and says
"Hello, I'd like to report a robbery..
Some thieves came and they stole my stereo,
my steering wheel..
even the accelerator pedal."
A few minutes later he calls back..
"Never mind, I got in the back seat by mistake."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink.
After a few more he needs to go to the can.
He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink
so he puts a sign on it saying,
"I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and
there is another sign next to his beer saying,
"So did I!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar
goes up and starts small talk.
Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name.
"Carmen," she replied.
"That's a nice name,"
he said warming up the conversation,
"Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men,"
she said looking directly into his eyes.
"So what's your name?" she asked.
"Beersex."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three men walk into a bar and the barman says,
"If you can sit in my basement for a day I'll give you free beer forever."
So the first man says,
"Easy. I can do that."
But he walks out after five minutes and says,
"It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck,
but can't take more than 10 minutes.
Finally the third man goes in and comes out a day later.
The others ask him how he did it.
He said,
"Easy. I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There's this guy on a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half-an-hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him,
takes the drink from the guy,
and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says:
"Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I'll buy you another drink.
I just can't see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life.
First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office.
My boss, outrageous, fires me.
When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen.
The police, they say they can do nothing.
I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it,
I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go home, and when I get there,
I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave home, and come to this bar.
And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,
you show up and drink my poison..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference.
At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket
while the three engineers buy only one ticket.
"How can the three of you travel on one ticket?" asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats
while all three engineers cram into the restroom
and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets,
he knocks on the restroom door and says,
"Ticket, please."
The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.
The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea.
One the way home from the conference,
they decide to copy the engineers' technique.
At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip.
To their astonishment,
the engineers don't buy a ticket at all!
"How in the hell are you going to pull this off?" asks a lawyer.
"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer.
They board the train.
The three lawyers cram into one restroom and
the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs,
one of the engineers leaves his restroom and
knocks on the other restroom door.
"Ticket, please!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next day she told her husband
that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over...
Two claimed that he was still there.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. "
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
haha.. i noe lahh. L-A-M-E mahh
boredom wat..
ntg else to do.. xD
kay lahh.. end crappy post.
tuning into: take my hand - simple plan
boredom wat..
ntg else to do.. xD
kay lahh.. end crappy post.
tuning into: take my hand - simple plan
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