i hate them so much.
i'm just plain bored now.
scroll all the way down if you want to kill time.
because its just blank and empty.
so by time you reach below,
you may get frustrated for scrolling all the way down.
have fun scrolling down then. =)
hmmm..
i bet nobody'll know what i'm writing, right?
i mean now.
wait, if you do its maybe because i told you so,
or you're just plain smart.
i got plenty of problems.
i just can't control my temper any longer.
i'm sorry bro, i just can't hold back.
7 full years and still going of unwanted life with parents.
7 whole years and still going wondering what's the meaning of family.
what's the real meaning of family?
i couldn't figure it out.
everyday i got scolded.
when i say everyday, i really mean it.
if you could even believe,
in my chinese essay i wrote about my mom.
about how she treated me these years.
if you're wondering,
the title is "what is your most frustrating problem"
even after my teacher marked it, she called me to see her.
questioning me about my life, my un-done school works, my family.
not many people know what i really feel about my family.
or maybe more to say, only 2 or 3 people do.
you know who you are.
if you're reading this,
i wanna say, thanks alot.
thanks for preventing me doing stupid things to myself.
i really appreciate it.
i always argue with my parents,
especially with my mom.
and i'm the only kid who gets the most and the worst scoldings,
from both my parents.
my mom,
whenever we argue about something which was unfair to me,
i would try to argue with her about my siblings.
in the end,
she'll shout back at me asking me not to bring them into this.
then after a few minutes of being whack and all,
she'll either go to her room,
or else is continue doing her things.
then if something happened more than a time,
she'll bring up what happened the last time and the same thing goes on.
this always happen everyday.
my dad,
he'll keep on saying me about my imperfections,
all my weakness, he'll say all.
when we're going out to eat and can't decide of what place to go,
he'll ask us, the 3 of us,
but now its 2.
then if none of us gave an idea,
more specifically a nice place to eat,
i'll always be the one who get scolded.
why? he said i can't make up my mind fast.
and at some times he'll just point out
all my weaknesses to me even though i know them all.
both of them,
every single day and night of non-stop naggings and scoldings.
i admit i'm always the one who caused the problem,
but they both can't always scold me for that.
you wanna know why?
because,
they'll always make my brother and sister as perfect as possible.
whenever exam results come out,
i'll be the one who get alot of scoldings.
then my parents will take the chance,
to say how good my siblings do in their exam.
whenever i wanna do something,
its always a no.
if its my sister or brother,
there won't be a no.
its so unfair to me!
and whenever i get into a fight with my bro or sis,
my parents will just side them all the time.
i'll always be the one who is guilty.
living in this house is like living in a court.
and at everytime,
whenever something happen,
i'll always have this feeling,
this feeling that never faded for years,
that they are trying to abandon me,
kick me out of the house.
maybe from the start,
i don't belong in this family originally.
i felt like running away from home when i'm 7.
yes 7,
there's nothing to be surprised of.
but i didn't do it.
why?
this is because i don't know the roads when i'm at that age.
now,
i still have this feeling.
but why didn't i do it?
i don't want to make my family worry bout me.
even though sometimes i think they don't even care about me,
everytime.
what should i do now?
i bet my finals won't turn out good,
and i won't be living my life as happy as before.
wait. there's no happiness in me before.
well, there is, but its rare.
i think i'm gonna be living in my own lie for my whole life,
faking a sweet smile to everybody,
showing my real emotions to myself when i'm alone.
so no one knows what i really feel.
i guess i should stop all these.
or else i'll end up crying the whole night,
failing all the papers for tomorrow's papers,
which is the last day of exam.
did you just had fun scrolling all the way down here?
haha. have a "nice" day then.
tuning into: leave - jojo
No comments:
Post a Comment